In the beginning...
I was that girl that kept to her self. I never really saw a reason to talk to anyone else because they never could understand. I was the girl that was quiet, nervous, and scared to go out into the world.
My mom was the only person I could really count on. My dad was gone driving a semi all the time, and when he came home, he would work or go visit his parents, and spend time with mom. Don't get me wrong, he spent time with me too.. It was just never enough..
One day it was all gone. Everything I was ever happy to have was gone. I was barely 9 years old, and alone. My mom was living with a drunk, old, alcoholic, who used to be my dad's best friend. My dad was gone at all times of the night. I was gone too, I was gone because I was stuck with my grandparents. Honestly, that made me a stronger person. I had great memories in that house. My grandpa and I would stay up until 12AM on a school night eating ice cream and watching westerns. The funny thing is that I never really understood what they were about, but I didn't care. When grandpa would laugh, I would laugh. That was all the happiness I needed. Then one day I woke up to go to church with an old friend. When I had awaken, I seen my dad. That was the best sight I could have ever wished to see! I missed that man so much!
The best part of that day was that he went to church with me! I could never be any happier. I just knew that God was finally shining down on me! I was living in sin, feeling guilty for my parents divorce, with no one who cared for me. See the thing is that when you're low, you are mad, hurt, depressed, crushed, unloved, unwanted, and dead to the world.. But the truth is that what I thought was my ceiling, was only my floor. When you're low like that, its hard to see the good in life. My dad used to drop me off with my mom at "bedtime" and he would come get me the next day, or sometimes he would wake me up to take me somewhere at 3 in the morning. I never knew what was going on, and it honestly didn't phase me. I was just happy to see the man back home again. As I got older I finally realized what was all around me that I never truly saw, but now things were different. It wasn't that I didn't know anymore, it was that I knew, but I didn't want to admit it to myself..
See, the truth had finally came out. I had a mom who made me feel like a hated little 9 year old for calling her daddy, and telling him every thing she was seeing. The fact of it being his best friend, sitting outside on the porch swing, with my mom to his left and his arm around her neck, telling me the things I wanted to hear from my dad.
I can still hear him, "Good job!" He would say as I would do my cheers for him and my mom. My dad had no idea; he was gone driving "the big truck" all the time. When my mom left me there by my bed crying, its like I could see myself. I was there, down on my knees, screaming and crying, asking God why.. And now he has showed me why. About a year after the divorce, I finally started seeing my mom every other weekend. You see.. I was that girl that got into trouble for everything imaginable! I was fighting, partying, I was on probation, done approximately 120 hours of community service, I was at the court house more than I was even home!
Honestly, I don't know why I did it, or why it even happened. I've heard it was because I "wanted attention", but that don't make any sense. Why would I want attention from people who don't give it willingly?
Time has flown on by... I have realized that many things about my life are wrong.
I am Amber Marie. My maiden name is Stover, but one day... It will ALL change! I am 17 years old. I have a lot of issues, I know this.. I quit talking to my mom for about a year or two, but now I have her back into my life! My dad is one of my best friends. You see.. I can honestly say that I have never known how it felt to be truly happy, until now! Just because it is ME... Myself.. And I!
My life has changed a lot over my entire life. I have went from a kid, to an adult, back to a teenager, and now I'm pushing myself to become an adult again. I am tired of answering to other people, and its really hard to forget a bad past when you're around those same people all the time. Its pretty hard to just move on when you live in that same house with all the same memories growing more and more inside of you. There is only one quote to explain this...
"Your emotions make you a monster. So shhhh.. Don't be too loud.. You'll wake the demons inside me"
My mom was the only person I could really count on. My dad was gone driving a semi all the time, and when he came home, he would work or go visit his parents, and spend time with mom. Don't get me wrong, he spent time with me too.. It was just never enough..
One day it was all gone. Everything I was ever happy to have was gone. I was barely 9 years old, and alone. My mom was living with a drunk, old, alcoholic, who used to be my dad's best friend. My dad was gone at all times of the night. I was gone too, I was gone because I was stuck with my grandparents. Honestly, that made me a stronger person. I had great memories in that house. My grandpa and I would stay up until 12AM on a school night eating ice cream and watching westerns. The funny thing is that I never really understood what they were about, but I didn't care. When grandpa would laugh, I would laugh. That was all the happiness I needed. Then one day I woke up to go to church with an old friend. When I had awaken, I seen my dad. That was the best sight I could have ever wished to see! I missed that man so much!
The best part of that day was that he went to church with me! I could never be any happier. I just knew that God was finally shining down on me! I was living in sin, feeling guilty for my parents divorce, with no one who cared for me. See the thing is that when you're low, you are mad, hurt, depressed, crushed, unloved, unwanted, and dead to the world.. But the truth is that what I thought was my ceiling, was only my floor. When you're low like that, its hard to see the good in life. My dad used to drop me off with my mom at "bedtime" and he would come get me the next day, or sometimes he would wake me up to take me somewhere at 3 in the morning. I never knew what was going on, and it honestly didn't phase me. I was just happy to see the man back home again. As I got older I finally realized what was all around me that I never truly saw, but now things were different. It wasn't that I didn't know anymore, it was that I knew, but I didn't want to admit it to myself..
See, the truth had finally came out. I had a mom who made me feel like a hated little 9 year old for calling her daddy, and telling him every thing she was seeing. The fact of it being his best friend, sitting outside on the porch swing, with my mom to his left and his arm around her neck, telling me the things I wanted to hear from my dad.
I can still hear him, "Good job!" He would say as I would do my cheers for him and my mom. My dad had no idea; he was gone driving "the big truck" all the time. When my mom left me there by my bed crying, its like I could see myself. I was there, down on my knees, screaming and crying, asking God why.. And now he has showed me why. About a year after the divorce, I finally started seeing my mom every other weekend. You see.. I was that girl that got into trouble for everything imaginable! I was fighting, partying, I was on probation, done approximately 120 hours of community service, I was at the court house more than I was even home!
Honestly, I don't know why I did it, or why it even happened. I've heard it was because I "wanted attention", but that don't make any sense. Why would I want attention from people who don't give it willingly?
Time has flown on by... I have realized that many things about my life are wrong.
I am Amber Marie. My maiden name is Stover, but one day... It will ALL change! I am 17 years old. I have a lot of issues, I know this.. I quit talking to my mom for about a year or two, but now I have her back into my life! My dad is one of my best friends. You see.. I can honestly say that I have never known how it felt to be truly happy, until now! Just because it is ME... Myself.. And I!
My life has changed a lot over my entire life. I have went from a kid, to an adult, back to a teenager, and now I'm pushing myself to become an adult again. I am tired of answering to other people, and its really hard to forget a bad past when you're around those same people all the time. Its pretty hard to just move on when you live in that same house with all the same memories growing more and more inside of you. There is only one quote to explain this...
"Your emotions make you a monster. So shhhh.. Don't be too loud.. You'll wake the demons inside me"